Since I started playing shows, a few years ago, I have been incredibly driven - felt like I had a fire under my ass actually. So, when I found out that I would have the opportunity to play Central Hall as part of the Western Canadian Music Awards, my response made me smile. A year ago I would have been jumping out of my seat with excitement......

I've been weening off of a pharmaceutical drug called Ativan - have been off of it for 2 months. That has been (and still is) hellish. It's a long story but when I made the decision to get off of this drug I didn't realize how much of my life it would infiltrate. Literally just getting dressed and taking my dogs for a walk is big. My body and mind have been massively affected by this drug. So now, music is in the background and taking care of my heart and body are front and centre. This is amazing. I'm seeing how important it is to take time, not rush, how this affects everything I do, how much I love my family and want to care for them, how much I love being alive and want to get it right in this life. My Grandma called me recently to tell me that she's going to have back surgery. It was clear to me that I want to be there. I'm planning on going to Arizona, USA next week. Wow. the ever changingness of life.

So I"m taking a break. I still practice lots and will play shows. But, there will be space. Ahh. Space is lovely. I suspect that when I'm ready to move forward, I will be different. And I'm happy about that.

I recently saw a performer named Jen Paches. From what I understand about her (based on her website and friend's comments), she is a Vancouver-based singer/songwriter who lived in Edmonton and was part of the music scene here during the eighties.

She played last week, here in Edmonton at a little club (tons of music - from punk to country) called Wunderbar. Her style is kinda punk/classical/folk - played on an electronic piano, a drumkit, and a harmonica. So I went to check her out.....

Most Beautiful Thing About Jen's Performance:

She had no guile. She played for the love of it. While that is true on some level for many musicians, it is rare to see someone who has seemingly no agenda. She didn't seem to be thinking about money or how many CDs she's going to sell (she didn't even mention CDs, had no display or obvious mailing list). From the moment she got onstage she was having fun and the audience was too.

Jen reminded me that while I choose to be in this business, there is always something of greater value within that choice. Always love what I'm doing. Love hanging out with people. Love sharing these songs. And do my job (not because someone else says I should or I think I should - but because I love my job).

Thank you Jen.

So it looks like I won't be playing my remaining BC tour dates. After my show in Victoria last Friday, I completely lost my voice. It was kind of amazing actually. I sang until the last note and then could hardly talk. By the next day my voice was totally gone. It's coming back bit by bit, as I'm ingesting Sage tea, zinc lozenges, cough syrup, vitamin C and any form of medication that seems to help - consequently, booze and cigarettes don't seem to be on that list. I'm staying with my lovely friend Jenn and her boyfriend Darren (who's also lovely). It's one of those lucky fate things that I'm here where they're taking good care of me.

Hopefully I'll be back in business soon.

Lara

BC is beautiful in May...and perhaps, all year 'round...but I'm here now and it's amazing. I drove here last week for New Music West (a music industry conference), which, with all respect intended, was a shadow of what it used to be. Though, it was lovely to meet other people in the industry, mostly it felt like a weird cattle call and really mediocre, forgettable music.

The people here in Vancouver are lovely and I found it particularly interesting, painful, beautiful and ugly to see the state of the street life on Hastings. Junkies, hookers, and middle class/working class sharing the streets - granted it was dominated in varying parts by one group or the other but it was amazing to see people shooting up unabashedly right in front of me. I had a radio spot at Vancouver Co-op Radio (Sky, the host, was very generous and sweet) and as I was walking out of the building, two women had just shot up on the steps and were in no rush to move on....I stepped over their needles and headed to my car, amazed, in love, and totally broken-hearted. It was hideous what they were doing but they were beautiful inside, though the beauty seemed very deep down and almost invisible - but not quite. I think because the city supplies junkies in Vancouver with their drugs (check that - at least their needles) that there is a sense (for me anyway) that they don't want/need to take from me with the intensity that would exist in a city where they had to find their own drugs. Amazingly the scene felt kind of laid back (I mean that in the most overall sense and definitely not in regards to specific people-there were lots of desperate people).